Lost in Jersey
by Red Witch
Summary: A Brotherhood away mission goes terribly wrong.


**Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine. Nope. Not a single one of them. **

**Lost In Jersey**

"Are we there yet?" Todd whined.

"Shut up!" Mystique snapped as she drove the large van. "Blob have you checked the map yet?'

"Uh…" Fred was trying to untangle himself from a huge mound of paper.

"Never mind," Mystique groaned. "Avalanche this the last time I entrust you with getting directions!"

"Where are we going again?" Pietro asked.

"We are supposed to raid a research facility that is doing new genetic research outside of Albany," Mystique replied in a less than patient tone. "Stress the words supposed to! Instead we're lost!"

"Hey don't blame me! You're the one driving!" Lance snapped.

"Three words Alvers," Mystique spat out. "Mapquest dot com! I gave you the address! All you had to do was type it in to get the directions. A chimp could do that! Even Toad or Blob could do that! What is so hard about that? What? Tell me what?"

"I got a little distracted."

"Yeah. Distracted right. You were downloading girlie pictures again weren't you?"

"As a matter of fact Boss Lady I wasn't! I saw this cool motorcycle on Ebay and…"

"Oh yes! That is a world of difference!" she sighed. "Now where are we?"

"Hey that looks like a bridge up ahead," Lance said. "Tappan Zee Bridge? Mystique this is Jersey! We're not even in the right state!"

"I know we're not in the right state! Shut up!" 

"Hey! Mystique! Quickie hit me!" Todd shouted.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"If you two don't knock it off right now I will turn this car around and go home!" Mystique screamed.

"Fine with me!" Lance said. "I wanna go home. I'm missing quality TV time!"

"Oh shut up Avalanche!"

"Hey! Why don't we take this blue road?" Fred asked pointing at the map.

"That's a river, Einstein!" Pietro snapped. "Ouch! Knock it off Toad!"

"You knock it off! You started it!"

"Nuh uh. You did!"

"You did!"

"You did!"

"I gotta go to the bathroom!"

"For crying out loud! Toad, Quicksilver knock it off! Blob you should have went before we left!"

"I did. I gotta go again!"

"Stop it!"

"You stop it!"

"Move your leg!"

"No you move your leg!"

"You started it!"

"Did not!"

"I gave up MTV's Spring Break and a new episode of the Real World for this?"

"If you brats don't shut up right now I am going to toss all of you out of this van and you can walk home! You hear me?"

"Hey look a McDonalds!" Fred said excitedly. "Pull in!"

"Yeah you can ask for directions, Fred can use the can and we can get snacks!" said Pietro.

"We are not getting snacks!" Mystique snapped.

"Y'know I am getting kinda hungry," Lance said.

"I wanna Happy Meal! I wanna Happy Meal!" Todd squealed bouncing up and down in his seat.

"Yeah! Happy Meal! A couple dozen of them!" Fred added happily.

"What are you guys? Six years old or something?" Lance asked.

"Hey! They have cool prizes in them!" Pietro defended his teammates. "I wanna Happy Meal too!"

"FOR THE LAST TIME," Mystique shouted. WE ARE NOT, REPEAT, NOT GETTING ANYTHING TO EAT! GOT IT?"

Ten minutes later…

"Okay I want ten double cheeseburger combos, 3 twenty piece boxes of chicken McNuggets with BBQ sauce, two salads, five fish sandwiches, two grilled chicken sandwiches, Four large regular cokes, One diet coke, 7 hot apple pies, two vanilla milkshakes…and three Happy Meals with cheeseburgers."

"Uh…Four Happy Meals," Lance added. Mystique gave him a look. "Well I don't wanna be the only one without a prize!"

"Oh lord help me, fine! Four Happy Meals!" Mystique paid the cashier. "Tolensky! Get off that play place thing! Quick…uh…Pietro! Don't do that! Fred, wait until we get to the table before you start eating! Fine! Pietro stop it!"

Mystique sighed as she made her way to the table with the food. She was in a modified Darkholme disguise, wearing jeans and a yellow T-shirt instead of her usual suit. "Okay you monkeys! Chow time!"

"Yeah!"

"Yum!"

"Hey watch it!"

"Cool! Hot Wheels! Vrroom! Vroom!" Fred began to play with a toy car. 

"Not as fast as mine!" Lance said making car noises as well.

"I think I've lost my will to live," Mystique moaned to herself as she picked at a salad. "Pietro stop throwing spitballs!"

"That poor woman," she overheard someone saying in the background. 

"Those kids of hers are terrors!" an elderly man stated. 

_You have no idea,_ Mystique thought to herself.

"Hey you little weirdoes pipe down!" A big burly biker shouted out.

"Who's gonna make us? You?" Fred shouted out.

"All of us Tubby!" shouted a member of his gang.

"TUBBY? TUBBY! THAT'S IT!" Fred raged, turning red.

"Let's get 'em!" Lance shouted.

"Uh, can we?" Todd asked Mystique.

"Yeah, Yeah," she waved them off. "Knock yourselves out."

"Alright! Let's rock!"

"Get 'em!"

"Let's see," Mystique picked up a magazine paying no attention to the carnage going on around her. "Mercenary's Monthly. Classified section. Hmmm. They always need some work in Colombia. I could do that again. Hmmm. Here's an interesting one, 'Assistant needed for lab work dealing with genetic mutations. Duties include gathering victims. The squeamish need not apply. Apply to M. Sinister Box 666…' That's a possibility. Oh look at this…Now this one has potential. 'Vicious amoral genetically enhanced mercenary needed for special project. Must be an expert in disguise. Preferably female non-smoker. Experience with animals a plus.'" She looked at the boys. "Yeah. I'd say they qualify. 'Apply to H. Evolutionary 395 Wundergore Lane. Fax number…' Well. That does have possibilities."

Mystique kept reading as she casually dodged a flying biker. "This one is very promising," She continued. " 'Want to destroy everything in sight? Are there people you want revenge on? This may be the job for you. Experienced double-dealing backstabbers needed to join a well-established organization. Call our toll free number…1-800-APOCALYPSE.'"

She put the magazine away as she heard the sounds of sirens. "Boys! Let's move it!"

"Yeah! That'll teach you to call me tubby!"

"Heh. Heh. We got 'em good!"

"Lance you drive!" Mystique got in the van. "I swear, if Magneto puts me through any more of this…nonsense I have half a mind to up and leave him and go elsewhere!"

"Hey look at what I got!" Todd held up an armload of toy cars.

"Cool! We got the whole set!" Pietro grabbed a couple of them.

"Great. Instead of genetic research, we got toy cars," Mystique griped. "I'm sure Magneto will be thrilled with that!"

"We'll give him a few. He won't mind," said Pietro.

"Wanna bet? Lance slow down! AGGGHHH!"

"Wow! I didn't know this baby could go this fast!"

"I gotta get a new job," Mystique groaned as she put her head in her hands.


End file.
